- society: oh you have your period? well you have two options.
- woman: okay.
- society: you can use sanitary pads, which make you feel like you are wearing a diaper, and have the added fun benefit of being extremely uncomfortable and give you the extreme paranoia that they will not be enough coverage and at any moment with any movement or sudden sneeze you'll bleed over onto your clothes and walk around all day with blood stained trousers while everyone points and laughs at you.
- woman: sounds awful. what's my second option.
- society: a penis shaped wad of cotton that you shove uncomfortably inside yourself and it catches the blood before it leaves your body.
- woman: still seems pretty awful.
- society: wait! it gets better! there's the outside chance that using those will kill you!
- woman: well, are they at least free? like how men can have access to free condoms? i mean, it's not like i'm choosing for this to happen.
- society: HAHAHA! that's funny. no, you have to pay for them. and they're really fucking expensive.
- society: oh, and if you tell anyone that you ARE on your period, your judgement, opinions, and reactions are going to be dismissed as the crazy ramblings of a lunatic.
- woman: i think i'll go with my third option.
- society: what third option?
- woman: i think i'll bleed on everything you love.
*loses bobby pins and hair ties*
*loses internet connection*
My grandpa has Alzheimer’s so he has no idea who my grandma is but everyday for the last three or four months he brings her in flowers from their garden and asks her to run away with him and be his wife and everyday she says she already is and everyday the smile my grandpa gets on his face is the most beautiful heartfelt thing I have ever seen.
do you know when you read a book that’s just so well written that when you finish it you can’t help but just sit there in silence for a few minutes just thinking about it, and then you reread the last couple pages, and just close the book and kind of stroke the cover in a weird sort of way and just keep thinking because it leaves such a strong impression on you that it just kinda haunts you in the back of your mind for the next few days
- Daughter: I have a blog.
- Me: Omg, I had a blog too when I was younger.
- Daughter: What was it about?!
- Husband: It was about me.
It amazes me that I can accurately type at top speed without looking at my keyboard but still pour water down my shirt ‘cause I missed my mouth in general.
IF I ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD I AM THE TRUEST FAN BECAUSE IM RISKING BEING ARRESTED FOR THIS BAND
Madonna is 55 and her boyfriend is 22
Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend is 26
Mariah Carey is 44 and her boyfriend is 32
If you’re not dating anyone, don’t worry about it, maybe he wasn’t born yet.